Suzanne Pilch, ICF Certified Coach
As an individual, it’s important to understand that forgiveness is not always as simple as choosing to let go of past hurts.
In fact, sometimes when we try to forgive without properly processing our emotions, we’re actually burying our pain deeper within us, which can hold us back from experiencing true forgiveness and living a fully feeling life.
To really tap into our emotional nature, we need to dig through the layers of old emotional pain that have been buried within us, often since childhood.
This excavation process can be painful, but it’s necessary to release the emotional corpses of our past losses and move towards rebirth.
Unfortunately, our culture often discourages us from grieving, even when we experience major losses such as death. This can be traced back to our childhood, where we were often shielded from any harsh realities, and as a result, never learned how to handle pain or to grieve in a healthy way. Many of us were taught that showing emotions, particularly sadness, was weak or unacceptable.
It’s no wonder that we carry so much unreleased grief with us, often without even realizing it. But by denying ourselves the opportunity to grieve, we’re only causing ourselves unnecessary suffering. Grieving is actually a necessary part of the healing process, allowing us to release unhealthy allegiances to old family rules and acknowledge the pain of our childhoods.
Through grieving, we can begin to let go of the past and move towards a more confident, life-loving adulthood. It’s important to encourage yourself to embrace the grieving process and not be afraid to let go of the past. By doing so, you can experience true emotional freedom and live a more fulfilling life.
Pete Walker writes: If we are not allowed to mourn death, how much more reluctant are we to grieve other significant losses? Until I was thirty, it never would have occurred to me to grieve the death of a job or a relationship. Until recently, almost no one grieved for one of the greatest losses of all – the death of a parent’s goodwill in childhood. Little wonder so many of us carry around tremendous burdens of unreleased grief. How needlessly we suffer from being deprived of the unique healing relief that comes only through grieving. Grieving, like nothing else, extricates us from our webs of tension and distraction. We can let go of unhealthy allegiances to old family rules that do not allow us to acknowledge the pain of our childhoods. We no longer need to squander our vitality imprisoning our memories and guarding against the escape of our pain. The Tao of Fully Feeling_ Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame
Pain Handling Strategies
Dealing with pain can be a challenging experience, but it’s important to know that it’s a normal part of the human experience. As your coach, I’m here to help you learn how to handle pain constructively. Here are a few strategies that can help:
- Normalize pain: It’s okay to feel sadness, disappointment, or grief when something difficult happens. I encourage you to express your emotions openly and honestly, without fear of judgment.
- Identify your triggers: Everyone experiences pain differently, and it’s important to identify your unique triggers. We can work together to develop strategies for managing them when they arise.
- Practice healthy coping mechanisms: Instead of turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like substance abuse or avoidance, we can develop healthy coping mechanisms. This might include practicing mindfulness, engaging in physical activity, or spending time with loved ones.
4. Be kind to yourself: It’s important to be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially when you’re experiencing pain. We can work on practicing self-care, like getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities you enjoy. I can also help you reframe negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations.
Remember, dealing constructively with pain is a skill that can be developed with practice and guidance. By learning these strategies, you can lead a happier, more fulfilling life. I’m here to support you every step of the way.
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